Angry Face!

LOVE Colbie Caillat :)

"Seems that nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of gray and I feel the weight over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
I always thought that I knew where I'd wanna go
But now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder
It's kinda tough getting older

Here before my eyes, many roads ahead
Time for me to choose one way now
If I take a chance, what lies down the road?
Feeling so confused, turned around."


This is totally true. Sometimes we feel like all of our dreams have come true, and then we look more closely, and we feel frightened; afraid of growing up.

All of these things coming down at once. Who would have thought, that after a blink of an eye we start from irresponsible teenager/college students and then, almost like some tribal coming-of-age ceremony (aka graduation)we transform into adults that shouldn't be acting out, shouldn't be consuming mass amounts of alcohol and procrastinating on homework, and can't fall back on our parents anymore to throw college tuition money at us.

I feel like yesterday I graduated, and now I'm 35 years old. There was no in-between! No transition! Now I'm expected to have a perfect job and take on all of these responsibilities. Taking out loans to pay for school is no longer affordable or accapetable. Some people went into college with debt. I, however, did not. Thanks to my wonderful parents who I'm very very grateful for, I was able to go through four full years at Delaware with not a penny of debt. Now that I want to take out some loans myself to go to graduate school, some people are telling me that its silly to take out loans and acquire debt. That its time to grow up and start making money. But, what about people in medical school? Getting their MBAs? Those professional schools cost money. They're not paid with a stipend and full tuition waivers (unless you get a scholarship/fellowship); yet no one views them as making a poor financial decision.

On the flip side, I feel like if I were to do some other things, they would still be considered unnaceptable because I'm too young. What about having kids?? Some people would say I'm too young, and need to accomplish other things first.

What's the in between? How does society 'tell' us to take on all of these adult responsibilites so fast, yet we still judged by society on other issues?

I feel like because I'm almost 23 years old, and about to get married, I should be able to make my own decisions, and whatever they may be, they should be accepted by society. If I want to take loans out for school, I can make that decision. My decisions are my own, and mine alone (or my husband's too because its 'US').

If I want to go to grad school and take out 30,000 bucks in debt, I will. I'm not too old to do that. If I want to have a kid, I will! I'm not too young! And, even more "un-acceptable", if I want to do BOTH, I will. It's no one else's business but mine!

:) okay, I'm done.