"I'm Taking my Beer"

So, if you've seen Will Farrel's "The Landlord" skit, you know what the title of this blog and the photo are refering to. If you haven't seen it, stop reading this and google it NOW. It's SO funny.

Anyway, as you've probably surmised, I'm having issues with the logistics of moving to NC. Apartment issues to be exact and it's driving me to drink (not literally!). Basically, I want to move out in May, but our lease isn't up until August 31. Apparently I can terminate the lease early if I have evidence of government subsidized housing, which may or may not include a stipend from the military to pay for housing near Bragg. I still have to figure that out. Along with making this distinction, I have to see exactly how much my roommate will hate me, if I decide to terminate the lease early. This issue, plus the wedding, plus moving, plus accepting a grad school offer, have all got my stomach in a knot.

Just ranting. Thats all I have to say about that.

More Snow?

Well, just after my last rant about how I want it to warm up, so I can get outside and get rid of my cabin fever, they announce that we'll be having another snow storm. Actually, I think they're calling it a 'snowicane' because of the potential for 60 mph winds. It's actually another Nor' Easter, but it's moving along a different path than the typical nor easter like the other three we've had this season.

I can't say that I mind all that much,the snow always does look beautiful right after falling. Hopefully immediately after the temperature will skyrocket to get rid of some of the snow on the ground. One beef I have though, is that I can't afford to have my work canceled, because I won't get paid so hopefully that won't happen!

Anyway, I must say that I'm so excited that Kurt is finally done BOLC! He should be on his way here to spend the week with me! I couldn't be happier! Everything is moving along, and the wedding is right around the corner! I have to say that I do miss visiting him in Missouri though, we really did so many things there. I think we visited almost every state park in the area, and our New Years Eve event was epic. I need to get some photos here so I can post them on the blog!

Hurry Up and Wait!

I came to the conclusion today that I'm in need of some serious serenity. I don't know, maybe I need to meditate or something. All I know is, I'm not being very nice to people and I'm especially quick to irritate this past week and today (my appologies to everyone, :P). I feel like when I'm not with Kurt doing something fun, I'm just bored and anxious all the time, and I've reached my limit.

I think the snow has something to do with it too, because I feel like I just need a few hours to sit in the woods, or go running in the state park and not be around anyone, but I can't because the snow has been on the ground preventing me from going outside for the past three weeks! A long winter is not beautiful here in Delaware. The trees look pretty the day after a storm, but farm fields not-so-much, nor the mounds of brown/black snow on either side of the street. 40 inches of snow later, we've had enough.

Instead of going outside, I've been reading novels that take place outside and dreaming about being there, which only contributes to my frustration.
I have to say the biggest issue right now is my job. I do like my job DESCRIPTION, but because I'm fairly new to the work that needs to be done, my job consists of sitting in front of the computer, finishing my assignments and then being bored and feeling unproductive, which also makes me feel more irritated and antsy.I can't take on larger assignments because I don't have enough experience dealing with permitting larger projects. Blah office jobs!! It's definitely time to go back to school and be challenged by something. I think I'm more used to school where your days alternate, you learn something new every day, you have homework and projects that challenge you, and relate to what you like (like the paper I had to write on the phylogeography of sea turtles, or my horseshoe crab stuff, or something, not making a list of contacts for every enviro consultant in Delmarva). I know Duke is super expensive, but if I go there, I can go back to doing the fun challenging stuff again! :) :)

Anyways, when I'm at work, I find myself filling up these moments of boredom with worrying about logistical things that will need to take place in the next month; all of the wedding stuff I need to get done, worrying about money and school, and worrying about taking off of work and moving to NC. The only problem is, right now, I've finished all I can get done now to prepare for everything , so it's like I can only plan so much, and hurry so much, and then I just have to wait until I can complete the next task. Therefore, I'm stuck thinking about it over and over, but can't do anything.

I'm half worried, half excited and impatient about all of these changes! I cannot wait to move to NC and be with Kurt, and start our new life there. That being said, lets get on with it already! lol. I'm bored, and cold!

I definitely need to stop bitching though. Here's my list of things to do, to make myself less abrasive to others (haha) and less irritated:

1) Work out at the gym this week
2) Sew this stupid bear thing I bought (yes, I bought a sewing project. NERD!)
3) Go find bows to put on the wedding favors
4) Go to Killens as soon as the snow melts
5) Buy my bridesmaid gifts
6) Go get final dress fitting and visit UD friends for dinner
7) Make a list of scholarships to apply for to fund Duke


Hurry up April :)

Reminiscing

I have to say, that today I really really miss UD!

I miss freshman year, when I met my favorite roommate for the first time :)
I miss getting up early, with my books in hand and Angels and Airwaves in my headphones, treking to the Perkins Center or the Library to get coffee before class.
I miss spending time with Lisa and our many dive classes and trips!
I miss main street; the book stores, restaurants,clothing shops, etc (including going with Taryn to Dunkin before Ichthyology class!)
I miss living in the towers, and accidentally making burned chocolate (lol Colleen)
I miss the University Garden Apartments, Watching friends, and Taco Tuesday!
I miss the sorority! (especially I weekend and rushing)
I miss CLASS! Especially my wildlife classes filled with friends, crazy dendrology profs, and silly graduate students who make jokes about whales and PBR (hah)
I miss taxonomy
I miss homework (I know, thats a sign that it's time for grad school!)
I miss Smith Hall and Kirkbride, especially in the spring
I miss study abroad trips, especially Costa Rica, and every person who was there
I miss Nancite Beach, and hiking to get there
I miss counting horseshoe crabs and living in Lewes acting like a marine science grad
I miss after-lab Deer Park dinners!
I miss being able to walk home from the bar
I miss people EXPECTING me to be irresponsible at times, and that being okay
I miss 63 New London Road
I miss St. Patty's day at Grottos
I miss coming home on breaks and seeing my best friends
I miss the weekend I met Kurt
I miss going to visit Kurt at West Point
I miss Pitt, camping, and going to Cape Henlopen, Assateague Island, and White Clay Creek State Park to attempt fishing

Now, I can't wait to start grad school and life with my amazing husband-to-be. However, it sure does feel great knowing that after all of those amazing experiences, I achieved what I set out to do while at the University of Delaware, and I had damn good time doing it.

Angry Face!

LOVE Colbie Caillat :)

"Seems that nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of gray and I feel the weight over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
I always thought that I knew where I'd wanna go
But now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder
It's kinda tough getting older

Here before my eyes, many roads ahead
Time for me to choose one way now
If I take a chance, what lies down the road?
Feeling so confused, turned around."


This is totally true. Sometimes we feel like all of our dreams have come true, and then we look more closely, and we feel frightened; afraid of growing up.

All of these things coming down at once. Who would have thought, that after a blink of an eye we start from irresponsible teenager/college students and then, almost like some tribal coming-of-age ceremony (aka graduation)we transform into adults that shouldn't be acting out, shouldn't be consuming mass amounts of alcohol and procrastinating on homework, and can't fall back on our parents anymore to throw college tuition money at us.

I feel like yesterday I graduated, and now I'm 35 years old. There was no in-between! No transition! Now I'm expected to have a perfect job and take on all of these responsibilities. Taking out loans to pay for school is no longer affordable or accapetable. Some people went into college with debt. I, however, did not. Thanks to my wonderful parents who I'm very very grateful for, I was able to go through four full years at Delaware with not a penny of debt. Now that I want to take out some loans myself to go to graduate school, some people are telling me that its silly to take out loans and acquire debt. That its time to grow up and start making money. But, what about people in medical school? Getting their MBAs? Those professional schools cost money. They're not paid with a stipend and full tuition waivers (unless you get a scholarship/fellowship); yet no one views them as making a poor financial decision.

On the flip side, I feel like if I were to do some other things, they would still be considered unnaceptable because I'm too young. What about having kids?? Some people would say I'm too young, and need to accomplish other things first.

What's the in between? How does society 'tell' us to take on all of these adult responsibilites so fast, yet we still judged by society on other issues?

I feel like because I'm almost 23 years old, and about to get married, I should be able to make my own decisions, and whatever they may be, they should be accepted by society. If I want to take loans out for school, I can make that decision. My decisions are my own, and mine alone (or my husband's too because its 'US').

If I want to go to grad school and take out 30,000 bucks in debt, I will. I'm not too old to do that. If I want to have a kid, I will! I'm not too young! And, even more "un-acceptable", if I want to do BOTH, I will. It's no one else's business but mine!

:) okay, I'm done.

Happy

Here I am, sitting at work, bored as anything (a lot of ppl couldn't come in today, because they're stuck in the snow!) Since I have nothing to do, I can't help but think of the good things that I have, because I really feel blessed in my life (note the smiley fish, I think he is a good representation of my mood right now!). I have an amazing fiance, a great family, friends, and an awesome job.

But while I continue to think about how wonderful all of those things are,
I can't help but feel a little happy about this as well :)

http://grad-schools.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-graduate-schools/top-public-affairs-schools/environmental-management

Duke is ranked #3 out of all Environmental Policy and Management Master's programs in the US. Harvard is #7 (thanks for pointing that out Jacq, lol) Maybe it is worth those loans afterall? :)

Ready for Summer

So, this is the view from the Duke Marine Lab, in Beaufort, NC. If I end up enrolling at Duke, I will get to do research HERE my second year in the program, and at least go visit and go to the beach during my free time (with Kurt on the weekends too!)during the first year.

Who wouldn't want to go here??? :)