I came to the conclusion today that I'm in need of some serious serenity. I don't know, maybe I need to meditate or something. All I know is, I'm not being very nice to people and I'm especially quick to irritate this past week and today (my appologies to everyone, :P). I feel like when I'm not with Kurt doing something fun, I'm just bored and anxious all the time, and I've reached my limit.
I think the snow has something to do with it too, because I feel like I just need a few hours to sit in the woods, or go running in the state park and not be around anyone, but I can't because the snow has been on the ground preventing me from going outside for the past three weeks! A long winter is not beautiful here in Delaware. The trees look pretty the day after a storm, but farm fields not-so-much, nor the mounds of brown/black snow on either side of the street. 40 inches of snow later, we've had enough.
Instead of going outside, I've been reading novels that take place outside and dreaming about being there, which only contributes to my frustration.
I have to say the biggest issue right now is my job. I do like my job DESCRIPTION, but because I'm fairly new to the work that needs to be done, my job consists of sitting in front of the computer, finishing my assignments and then being bored and feeling unproductive, which also makes me feel more irritated and antsy.I can't take on larger assignments because I don't have enough experience dealing with permitting larger projects. Blah office jobs!! It's definitely time to go back to school and be challenged by something. I think I'm more used to school where your days alternate, you learn something new every day, you have homework and projects that challenge you, and relate to what you like (like the paper I had to write on the phylogeography of sea turtles, or my horseshoe crab stuff, or something, not making a list of contacts for every enviro consultant in Delmarva). I know Duke is super expensive, but if I go there, I can go back to doing the fun challenging stuff again! :) :)
Anyways, when I'm at work, I find myself filling up these moments of boredom with worrying about logistical things that will need to take place in the next month; all of the wedding stuff I need to get done, worrying about money and school, and worrying about taking off of work and moving to NC. The only problem is, right now, I've finished all I can get done now to prepare for everything , so it's like I can only plan so much, and hurry so much, and then I just have to wait until I can complete the next task. Therefore, I'm stuck thinking about it over and over, but can't do anything.
I'm half worried, half excited and impatient about all of these changes! I cannot wait to move to NC and be with Kurt, and start our new life there. That being said, lets get on with it already! lol. I'm bored, and cold!
I definitely need to stop bitching though. Here's my list of things to do, to make myself less abrasive to others (haha) and less irritated:
1) Work out at the gym this week
2) Sew this stupid bear thing I bought (yes, I bought a sewing project. NERD!)
3) Go find bows to put on the wedding favors
4) Go to Killens as soon as the snow melts
5) Buy my bridesmaid gifts
6) Go get final dress fitting and visit UD friends for dinner
7) Make a list of scholarships to apply for to fund Duke
Hurry up April :)
april 9th is so close! it's almost here... don't get too anxious with all the logistical stuff. it'll work out, and you're so organized that everything will fall into place just fine!
ReplyDeleteto-do lists are the way to go. it's the only way i seem to feel like i "accomplish" anything... it's satisfying to be able to cross things off.